Author Topic: Funny as heck  (Read 16319 times)

Offline PowerJoe

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Funny as heck
« on: June 25, 2008, 09:56:05 PM »
She lay on the earth in the meadow, her naked form basking in the pale morning light. She felt content, feeling the cold droplets of dew on the grass chilling her warm skin. She took a momment to admire her nude body, the volumptuous curves that would drive any male mad glowing in the sun. Glad to be rid of her coverings as a cool breeze rippled accross her body raising goosebumps. She gazed over at him, a handsome man, the farmers younger son. It had been her first time, and she had trembled with anxious anticipation as he reached out his calloused hands to her body. She recalled his eager hands, seemingly filled with the inexperience and vigour of youth take hold of her in a confident and well practised manner. She had relaxed, realising he knew how to handle her body. He had been slow, gentle and patient and she had enjoyed every minute of it.

Molly the sheep couldnt wait til next shearing season

Offline Jason

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2008, 10:18:55 PM »
Don't let the Welsh Bockers read this

Wales will run out of water with all the cold showers being taken  :haha:

Please don't hit me Locky  :biggrin:

Jason  :Hoofies2:

Offline Nobby

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #2 on: June 25, 2008, 10:20:39 PM »
Heheh.....Paddy and Murphy were working away on a building site when Paddy turned to Murphy and said "I'm fed up of this job,I gotta get outta here."
"You'll need an excuse" said Murphy
" I've used them all" Paddy replied
"Pretend you've gone mad" says Murphy
"Now that's a good idea....Whadya reckon I should do?" says Paddy
Murphy replied "Dunno...Pretend you're a lightbulb?"
So Paddy climbed up the scaffolding and hung himself upside down by his knees on a cross member....Coupla minutes later the foreman walked by and happened to glance upwards.Seeing Paddy hanging there bat fashion,he called out
"Paddy what the hell are you playing at?"
"I'm the lightbulb boss" said Paddy
"You've lost the plot! Pack your tools and pi$$ off!"
Paddy climbed down and duly packed his tools.....Then the foreman noticed Murphy packing up too.....
"Where the hell do you think you're going Murphy?" says the foreman
"You just sent my lightbulb home and I can't work in the feckin' dark now can I?" said Murphy....

Offline Mini Ellis

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #3 on: June 25, 2008, 10:23:06 PM »
ahaha good one nobby - carl should try that, hes a builder xD

Mini Ellis xx

Offline Jason

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #4 on: June 25, 2008, 10:36:22 PM »
Three Girls (A Brunette, a Blond and a Redhead) are caught on the top floor a burning building

A group of men get a blanket, stretch it between them a call for the Girls to jump into it

The Redhead jumps first and at the last second the Guys whip the blanket away and "SPLAT"

They stretch the blanket again and shout for the other Girls to jump explaining that they don't like Redheads but they will catch the other two

So the Brunette jumps and again they whip the blanket away and "SPLAT"

They stretch the blanket again and shout that the last girl will be ok as all men like blonds but she won't have any of it  and shouts back

"You won't catch me like that I'm not as stupid as the other two I don't trust you but if you lay the blanket on the ground and back away I'll jump into it"

Offline Nobby

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #5 on: June 25, 2008, 11:08:16 PM »
Being as we're going off on a tangent.....What's an Essex girl's favourite wine?

"When are you taking me to Lakeside?"

Offline PowerJoe

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #6 on: June 26, 2008, 11:24:22 AM »
theres 2 muffins in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "blimey its hot in here". "HOLY CRAP, A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!" :biggrin:

Offline Spud

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #7 on: June 26, 2008, 11:42:02 AM »
Don't let the Welsh Bockers read this

Wales will run out of water with all the cold showers being taken  :haha:

Please don't hit me Locky  :biggrin:

Jason  :Hoofies2:

Not sure if you are brave, stupid or suicidal  :nana:  :lol:  :biggrin:

Offline Nobby

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #8 on: June 26, 2008, 07:24:51 PM »
 :haha: :haha: most of the eccentric inventors I know of are all of the above!  :biggrin: :biggrin:

Offline magzzie

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #9 on: June 26, 2008, 09:28:53 PM »
hey im all those things

Offline Nobby

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #10 on: June 27, 2008, 12:27:29 AM »
Lil Lozzi and Greg should find this funny...Sense of humour by-pass not withstanding!

A Dyslexic bank robber walks into his local HSBC, Levels a water pistol at a cashier and says" Hold it right there mothersticker! This is a Fu@#up!!!!  :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin:

Dark Knight

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #11 on: June 27, 2008, 12:55:44 AM »
A Dyslexic walks into a bra


" These slimming biscuits you sell !? Do you eat them before or after meals ?  ..... What do you mean ... Instead off !!! "

They say rice cakes are better than a bag of crisp if your dieting !?
True !
Don't taste of much but once you put the marshmallows and chocolate spread on them they don't taste too bad  :biggrin:

Offline lil-lozzi

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #12 on: June 27, 2008, 06:44:51 AM »
Lil Lozzi and Greg should find this funny...Sense of humour by-pass not withstanding!

A Dyslexic bank robber walks into his local HSBC, Levels a water pistol at a cashier and says" Hold it right there mothersticker! This is a Fu@#up!!!!  :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin:

yes that did make me laugh lol


i havent heard that one befor 


lol


xx
lozzi
xx

Offline PowerJoe

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #13 on: June 27, 2008, 02:42:25 PM »
lmao with the dyslexic jokes. Btw, do dyslexics get headaches from eating alphabet soup? :biggrin:

In the beginning there was nothing. Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing in the face and told it to get a job. Thats how the world started :biggrin:

Offline Jason

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #14 on: June 27, 2008, 09:39:53 PM »
Do Dyslexics cark there par in a parcark

Or feel feek and weeble when they have flew

Offline PowerJoe

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #15 on: June 28, 2008, 04:09:15 PM »
If a tree falls in an empty forest does anyone hear it?

Yes, Chuck Norris hears it. Chuck Norris hears everything!

Offline Jason

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #16 on: June 28, 2008, 10:01:07 PM »
But if a tree falls on Chuck Norris will we hear it as he's not the type to scream is he  :haha:

Jason  :Hoofies2:

Offline PowerJoe

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #17 on: June 28, 2008, 11:29:02 PM »
But if a tree falls on Chuck Norris will we hear it as he's not the type to scream is he  :haha:

Jason  :Hoofies2:

No, if a tree fell on Chuck Norris, the tree would snap in half :haha:

Offline aidanh1

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #18 on: June 29, 2008, 12:33:54 AM »
hus clever idea was it to spell dyslexics like that anyone with the problem cant write it down

and hus clever idea was it to put a S in lisp :biggrin:

What does DNA stand for.......   National Dyslexic Association  :biggrin:

                                              i carnt spel... or maybe you cant read ;)

Offline magzzie

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #19 on: June 29, 2008, 02:05:48 AM »
why does everyone think chuck norris is so good?

oh crap he also sees everything urm you suck

Offline lil-lozzi

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #20 on: June 29, 2008, 08:01:55 AM »
u say bout  dyslexica being hard to spell ( yh i just copyed it )

but the word for ppl with a fere of lond words id 30 something letters long lol


an yh lisp aint fair  all thease sort of wrods contredict the probleem ppl hav



xx
lozzi
xx

Dark Knight

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #21 on: June 29, 2008, 05:19:17 PM »
I took this today !
What if Darth Vader and Chewbacca and children what would they look like ?


Chew Vader


Offline sprog

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #22 on: June 29, 2008, 05:24:45 PM »
but the word for ppl with a fere of lond words id 30 something letters long lol
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - Fear of long words. How unfair is that? :D


In the beginning there was nothing. Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing in the face and told it to get a job. Thats how the world started :biggrin:
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Dark Knight

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #23 on: June 29, 2008, 05:24:53 PM »
I swear this is real

Offline Spud

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Re: Funny as heck
« Reply #24 on: June 29, 2008, 08:21:31 PM »
Ouch