"stay back - they hurt when i kick"
"You can buy 'em at Poundland, go away"
"Try Argos - by the toasters"
"Yes it does hurt when I fall over"
"I know what you're thinking - (Reverse side) these shoes make me look a few inches taller"
"I've learnt to get up by myself - (Reverse side) but my mate needs a hand"
"I know you think i look strange - (Reverse side) the feeling's mutual"
"Insert £5 into hand and monkey will do a trick

"
"why don't
YOU do a trick for
ME"
"In my sleep I was blessed with a vision - (Reverse side) And my God told me to Bock!!!"
"no i wont do a trick 4 ya, im knackered!!!"
"Bocking (insert pic of bocks, centred below) - (Reverse side) Flipping Rules"
(inspired by my Zebrahead shirt which, in very scratchy writing, says;-
"Zebrahead (pentegram, centred below) - (Reverse side) F'king RULES"
that enuff?